I don’t mean dirty diapers or an “accident.” I mean, they just really messed up. They have caused a real issue for themselves or others, intentional or unintentional. Maybe they just “accidentally” kicked a shoe through the living room window, deleted their robotics club’s entire code library, or shot the game-winning basket in the other team’s goal?
It could be anything where they know they messed up, and you can just tell their stomach is now double-knotted in anxiety and shame.
If we’re being honest as parents, we’ve been there. We’ve all done something that just wrecked us on the inside for fear of the consequences of this "Oh 💩" moment.
So what’s a parent to do? The first thing to realize is that statistically, they will likely have another "Oh 💩" moment in the next 24 hours that can turn into a downward spiral for days if it’s not handled correctly. Our body’s reaction to that level of shame and anxiety floods us with neurochemicals that put us into a deep fight-or-flight response. This impacts our ability to make measured and rational decisions, which children already face due to immaturity.
In the moment, the best thing you can do is gracefully remove your child from the situation and help them find space for the next day to calm down and avoid situations that could quickly turn into the next "Oh 💩" moment. The following day, you can deal with correcting the problem.
I’ll give you an example: A student in my robotics club accidentally deleted the club’s entire set of programs. He called me panicked, and I knew the whole thing just wrecked him. I told him just to set down the computer, and I would help him figure it out in person.
Once we were together, I looked over the computer and found a way to restore a backup that was only a few hours old. But then, I told him and his parents to stop working on the program for the next day, despite the competition being only three days away. Reluctantly, he followed my advice, and the day off gave him some insights he hadn’t had before. These insights allowed the team to win the programming award at the competition.
To be clear, I’m not suggesting we don’t decisively deal with intentional disobedience or harm. What I am suggesting is that taking a beat is the best way to keep a child from descending into a spiral of compounding bad decisions.
image credits
Comments